Relawesomeships

#25 - The Other Cold War: Getting your Crap Together, so you can Love and be Loved

Special guest Shayla joins us again to discuss how our own crap gets in the way of loving and being loved, and what we can do about it (emphasis on the do!). First, we again imagine what it's like to have the burden of being highly attractive people (and why their dating app profiles are so boring), Shayla confirms that women do, in fact, care a lot about men's physical attractiveness (but it carries relatively less weight overall than it does for men), and Bryce takes responsibility for his past poor dress and grooming (sorry, ladies! I look much better now :-D )

After that, we dive into the topic of how our internal obstacles, wounds, and general shortcomings play a significant role in our ability, or inability, to love others and be loved by them. We emphasize how real progress cannot be achieved without first taking responsibility for our entire role (the good as well as the bad) in our relationships and circumstances, and then honestly evaluating and doing something disciplined and productive to improve. We discuss how even people without severely traumatic experiences nevertheless have psychic wounds and emotional clutter which hinder our relationships (but can be healed and de-cluttered). Paul expresses the importance of being kinder to ourselves.

We also draw from the insights of Katherine Woodward Thomas in her book, Calling in the One, who describes the "solid sense of self" that prepares us to have healthy relationships, and our capacity (and responsibility) to craft and adjust our own mental constructs about our identities. Additionally, we discuss the practical advice offered in Jordan Peterson's video, Fix Yourself, related to having an honest dialogue with ourselves about our role - and positive potential! - in our circumstances.

#24 - Initiating in Dating (and in friendships)

Special guests Amber and Jessica join us for a jolly conversation about initiating in friendship and in dating. We learn a little bit about the Kardashian family, Jessica's favorite color (leopard print), the fundamentals of being engaging and inviting with pre-friends, the tragedy of mutual interest without initiative, and cultural norms about initiation (the US is more gender-egalitarian about initiation). We discuss research findings on the types of methods of initiation: not surprisingly, direct initiation is most effective, while waiting passively is least effective; men and women can be equally successful at initiating, but men generally prefer direct methods, while women generally favor indirect methods; teasing and joking tend to only lead to short-term flings; having resources comes across as attractive, while flaunting them can be a turn-off; being passive mostly only works for those who are "extremely attractive" (a trait that comes with big advantages AND big disadvantages). That and so much more!

#23 - The Two Human Languages: Logic and Feeling (or, how to not sabotage your communications with others)

We discuss a critical topic in human relationships: the two fundamental languages of logic and emotion, and how to speak the correct language at the right time. This time, we draw from Stephen Covey's excellent The Spiritual Roots of Human Relations as we delve into the intricacies of effective and ineffective human communication, how not to escalate conflicts with our communication, and especially how to recognize and empathize with the current emotional (or non-emotional) state of others. 

#22 - Risks, Regrets, and Rewards: how to ensure your life and relationships are awesome instead of lame

We get fired up as we cover a lot of ground regarding the role of risk, regret, and reward in personal growth and especially our relationships. But first, Bryce talks about women at the gym, Paul talks about law firm mascots, and we both talk about our friend whose mistake of going to law school was the most freeing bad decision of his life. We talk about humankind's high sensitivity to loss (more sensitive than to gains, even), and bias towards risk aversion, as well as the critical importance of taking informed, courageous Risks to pursue greater Rewards and avoid Regrets.

#21 - Siblings: The Cause of, and Solution to, our Conflicts

This time, we take a break from talking about the Other Cold War to explore the influence of siblings - for good or for ill - on us as children and even as adults. Paul and Bryce discuss an argument they had prior to recording, and how, according to research, their sibling-filled upbringings may have helped them manage the conflict effectively. We talk about family micro-cultures, how younger siblings will model their behaviors on older siblings (for better or for worse), how having older siblings can grant certain relational advantages, and the lasting effects of family dynamics on each of us far into adulthood. If you grew up with siblings, you probably got a lot of practice managing (or, so often, failing to manage) conflict; if you had no siblings, you probably got more opportunity to develop your language and current events abilities. 

#20 - The Other Cold War: To attract, or not to attract? Part 2

We continue our episode on the role of attraction in the dating world with fellow podcasters Steph and Tracy. Paul tells us about the time he was floored by friendliness in college. Steph tells us about her very specific tastes (men who wear hats and do accounting), Tracy discusses her more broad tastes (men with emotional intelligence and growth mindsets). Bryce makes the point that being appealing to others (within healthy bounds) is actually an important aspect of empathy. We discuss the role of humor in attractiveness, and how men are more likely to try to be funny (with mixed results!). Also, we delve into one of women's deep, dark secrets about attraction - that it's important to them more than they want to admit - and discuss scientific findings on how attraction is a necessary, but not a sufficient, condition for a successful romantic relationship (and beyond a certain threshold, attractiveness has diminishing returns :-O ). 

Check out Steph's podcasts:

http://www.notablepeeps.com/

http://www.utahfanclub.org/

Check out Tracy's podcast:

https://thyneighborpodcast.podbean.com/

#19 - The Other Cold War: To attract, or not to attract? Part 1

Returning guest Steph and new first-time guest Tracy join us for a continuation of our series on The Other Cold War, our metaphor for how single people fail to engage with each other, and we begin an engaging conversation on the topic of attractiveness in the single's world. We discuss "chemistry", physical and non-physical types of attraction, choice in our attraction, gender differences in attraction (such as how physical attraction, in practice, is as important to women as it is to men, but women don't like to admit it), and all sorts of other juicy topics.

Check out Steph's podcasts:

http://www.notablepeeps.com/

http://www.utahfanclub.org/

Check out Tracy's podcast, too!

https://thyneighborpodcast.podbean.com/

#18 - The Other Cold War: What science reveals about gender differences (and why it matters), Part 2

The thrilling conclusion of our episode on gender differences, with special guest Shayla. Brace yourself for laughs and fascinating insights!

#17 - The Other Cold War: What science reveals about gender differences (and why it matters), Part 1

After several weeks away, we're back with our most power-packed episode yet! Returning - and newly engaged! - special guest Shayla joins us as we introduce a new metaphor for the modern landscape of disengagement in human relationships - The Other Cold War - and then discuss what modern science and technology have revealed about gender differences rooted in physiology, and how those differences affect our relationships. Prepare to have your thoughts provoked!

#16 - Confidence

I can confidently say this is one of our best episodes yet! We explore various topics related to that most precious of psychological resources, confidence! We cover a lot of ground: cultural cues of friendliness, positive reinforcement, internal and external obstacles to confidence, depression and anxiety, how confidence is like a muscle, the Cognitive Triangle, self-image and Psycho-cybernetics, affirmations and self-talk, qualities of those most successful in escaping singleness (hint: physical attractiveness isn't the most important), and how cologne subconsciously improves men's confidence.