Relawesomeships

Got Gottman Part 6: Endgame, or How to Have a Fight Without Obliterating the Relationship

The final episode on John Gottman's research on marriage and divorce, where we continue our discussion on conflict within close relationships. We talk about the inevitability as well as potential value of conflict, the art of the soft startup when broaching difficult topics, the peril of the fight-or-flight response when things get heated (and the virtue of taking a break), Gordon B. Hinckley's favorite hymn, and so much more!

Got Gottman Part 5: How to handle relationship conflict like a pro

A continuation of our discussion of John Gottman's research on marriage and divorce. We discuss what conflict looks like in marriage and other relationships, how healthy friendship can make conflict a lot less disastrous, and what can be done to approach conflict constructively. In the process, Viviana makes a nice analogy about cooking brownies and having all the ingredients for a good relationship, Bryce makes a few allusions to murder as a deal-breaker, and Paul reveals lessons learned from 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

Got Gottman Part 4: How bids strengthen or weaken your relationships

We continue our discussion on John Gottman's video on predictors of success and failure in marriage (and other relationships). This time, we focus more on the role of communication and making and responding to each other's bids. Bryce makes a terrible pun about yoga. Viviana relates slot machines to human communication.  Paul invokes calculus to describe the pain inflicted by leading someone on versus directly rejecting them. We discuss when ghosting is ok, and when it's an utterly jerk move, the role of family upbringing and agency, and lots of other juicy stuff!

Got Gottman Part 3: The Why and How of Friendship in our close relationships

A continuation of our discussion of John Gottman's research on success in marriage, this time focused on his scientific findings on how friendship operates in close relationships. We start by reviewing the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse, throwing in some Nacho Libre and Adventure Time references for good measure. Then we delve into the 3 aspects of friendship: building love maps (something men - and sometimes women - fail to do on dates!), expressing fondness and admiration, and responding to each others' bids for connection.

Got Gottman Part 2: How to destroy your marriage, or other relationships - More on the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse

A continuation of our discussion on John Gottman's research on the clear predictors of divorce (or other relationship failures), and what we can do to prevent it, and enjoy happy, sustainable relationships instead. We go into more detail on the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: Criticism, Defensiveness, Disrespect and Contempt, and Stonewalling.

Got Gottman? Research on healthy marriages, and why it matters for you, Part 1: Horsemen of the Apocalypse

We have a lively discussion on John Gottman's findings from his famous "Love Labs", as presented in this excellent video. Frankly one of the most relationally-relevant discussions we've had yet (whatever one's marital status - these same dynamics exist in all types of relationships), we discuss Gottman's findings on positivity vs. negativity in a relationship, 3 of the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse which strongly predict divorce, and how Masters and Disasters navigate them more and less constructively.

(apologies for occasional audio issues)

Breaking up for the right reasons AKA diagnosing problems in your relationships

Probably the best episode we've recorded in 2020! We have a robust and lively discussion about M. Gawain Wells' article "Breaking Up Without Going to Pieces: When Dating Doesn't End in Marriage", which, despite being a bit of an old article, nevertheless contains a lot of key insights into the common red flags found in relationships, issues to be aware of, and ideas for moving on in a healthy way. We also discuss rejections, as well as the ways in which dating has changed since the time of the article's writing (apps, front-loaded "pre-dating", more complicated lives and expectations). Viviana joins us again to share many great insights, Bryce subconsciously smacks his lips loudly when figuring out what to say next, and Paul admits he didn't read the article but read many other relevant articles.

The Relawesomeships Reboot

After so many setbacks - our own personal ones, as well as the world's - we're back, and with a new guest, Viviana, and a new perspective to include. Join us as we come out of the closet...as Latter-day Saints! This time, we discuss the rise of the "identity marriage", the decline of marriage rates, the state of single Latter-day Saints, false cultural beliefs, the importance of both agency and accountability. As a bonus, we get on a tangent about bankruptcy :-D

More good stufff to come.

We've been away for a while, but there is more coming down the pipeline, so hang in there everybody, and stay safe!

What Jordan Peterson and lobsters teach about success, defeat, and relationships

Rising from the ashes, Paul and Bryce are back! We talk briefly about Bryce's forearms, then delve into a lively discussion about Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules for Life, particularly his first chapter on lobsters, success/defeat, serotonin, depression, and what we can do to stand up straight and confidently face and improve our circumstances.